Thursday, November 30, 2006
It's been an interesting time. I'm glad that I signed up for this. It's been a challenge to find something to say, something to comment on every day. And some days I just plain didn't have or take the time to find something meaningful, or pertinent. And I think that that was okay. I know that not many people read this, and that's perfectly fine by me. I appreciate the people who do visit, and like to share and be a part of the larger community of bloggers and knitters and readers, but I like to keep this as a journal of sorts for myself, more than anything. A place to tell stories and show pictures and give me a way to remember the little things in my life - including who I am, who I was, and who I am becoming. Because I know that as much as I can't change many things about myself, I also know that other things are changing all the time.
I like to occasionally click back to a random time and take in the words and pictures the way I would inhale a scent, and try to remember where I was and how I felt the same way the smell of dry, dead leaves evokes autumn and apples and crisp fall air.
I don't think that I will continue to post every day. But I think that I will post more often than I sometimes do.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Sounds like an interesting experiment, so I'm in.
Go, meme, go!
|How You Life Your Life|
You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.
I'm headed downtown shortly to see Wicked at the Canon Theatre with Rachel, so I'm being all responsible and posting well in advance of midnight - this time.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Next, I gave it to an impossible Secret Santa recipient for whom I had no good ideas. It was mostly pictures from work, so it wasn't as fun as the others were.
I am going to really enjoy my coffee tomorrow.
Monday, November 27, 2006
We still don't know if this is good news or bad, but at this point, it's good to have news of some sort. My mum's been getting weaker and weaker, and thinner and thinner, for months, and every test has been negative. She's had dozens of blood tests, scans, probes, and biopsies. But the doctors hadn't found anything to explain the weakness, the loss of appetite, the degradation that's caused my mum to drop over 70 pounds since mid-summer.
Finally, the CT scan on Thursday showed that there are enlarged lymph nodes, which, if House, ER, and Grey's Anatomy have taught me anything, mean that there is most likely either an infection, or cancer. (And I confirmed this with WebMD) And, apparently, the most recent biopsy, which was a bone marrow biopsy, rules out cancer. But enlarged lymph nodes aren't a cause - they're just another symptom. Which means that we still don't know why my mum is sick.
Today is my parents' 35th wedding anniversary. My mum had initially, stubbornly, refused to go to the hospital today, of all days, putting it off until tomorrow, which is not my parents' 35th wedding anniversary. But she was feeling too ill today to put it off any longer, and so, right now, is sitting in the emergency room, where she's been since mid-afternoon. She's been told she will be admitted, and was told by - someone - that an enlarged lymph node near her heart is causing trouble with her mitral valve. This might not normally be an issue (though I have no idea), but my mum has (among many other ailments caused by genetics, growing up post-war with poor nutrition and many childhood diseases, and smoking) mitral valve stenosis.
At this point, we don't know if this is what's causing everything else. But it's the start of an answer. And sometime tonight, my mum will finally be in a hospital bed, getting nutrition through an IV tube to make up for the food she can't eat, and away from the house with dirty floors, and bills to pay.
I'll be taking this Friday off work so that I can go down and clean and set up Christmas with my dad and brother.
Here's to hoping that my mum's home from the hospital by then, on the way to recovery - and to hoping that my dad, my brother and I can successfully get the tree up and decorated without bloodshed.
That's hard to get out of the carpet.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Friday, November 24, 2006
1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Hot chocolate. Egg nog is one of those things that I think I like - every year, I visit home in December, and, when I see the carton of egg nog in the fridge, I pour myself a glass, eagerly anticipating the spicy, rich sweetness that means Christmas. Then? I take a sip and remember that I don't so much like the egg nog.
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
I'm pretty bad at wrapping gifts. In order to make the presents look as if they weren't wrapped by a toddler as likely to eat the paste as glue on the glitter, I've taken to using gift bags and ribbons in recent years. But, no matter what - gifts must be wrapped. All the bettter to be unwrapped.
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
For the house, it depends on the style of the house. White lights can look nicer on colder, fancier houses, but a home-y, warm house needs the chaos of the coloured lights. I think the same goes for the tree. I want not only the shiny, new metallic balls on my tree, but also the little clay ornaments and the construction paper stars that I've been given.
4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Nope. No poisonous ceiling decor for me.
5. When do you put your decorations up?
The first weekend in December. It used to be the second, but there comes a time when it's just not worth fighting the malls.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
The stuffing. Mmm. With mushrooms.
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child:
I don't really have a specific, one-time favourite memory. It's more a jumble of Christmas mornings and stockings and dinners. Every Christmas morning, we'd both wake up unreasonably, ridiculously early, and rush to the living room to see what was there that hadn't been there when we went to sleep. (And it had taken a long time to fall asleep, too, I tell ya) The house rules were that we could only wake the parents after 7 am, and to keep us from dying of pent-up excitment and frustration, we were allowed to open our stockings in the meantime. Our stockings were actually pretty complex affairs - a ginormous stocking, full to the brim with socks and candy and, of course, an apple and a clementine stuffed into the toe. There was always a bag of chocolate coins, a tube of smarties, and, most years, a Lifesavers sweet story book. And a loonie at the very bottom. (The best, though, was the year my mum didn't have a loonie, so I got four quarters. That made me laugh. And gently mock my mother. In a Christmassy fashion.)
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
Yes. One gift. And it took me lots of years to finally realise that that one gift was always a new set of pyjamas. I'm not always so swift.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
Now? Kind of sadly. But back home, putting up the tree was always the worst part of Christmas. Yes, that's right - the worst. There was something about my dad, my brother and I trying to work together to assemble the plastic tree, unfolding the stiffy and scratchy branches and trying to find all the little leafy pieces in the bottom of the box; deciding how to wrap the lights around the tree and how to make the tree stand up straight - that incited impatience and yelling and near-violence. Several years ago, my mother banned the lot of us from having anything to do with tree decoration. Christmas is a lot more peaceful now.
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
Love it - at first. Love the first snowfall, and that heavy, feathery, comforting silence overlaid with the gentle hiss of falling snow. Soon, though, hate the slush and the cold and the ice.
12. Can you ice skate?
I used to be able to skate. I actually used to take skating lessons. I remember my parents dropping me off at the rink one morning. I lined up with my best friend, Moe, on one side of the rink. It wasn't until my parents came into the arena half way through the lesson that it was discovered that I was in the wrong lesson - I was supposed to be on the other side of the rink, learning figure eights and how to use the toe pick. Instead, I'd quite naturally joined in with the boys, learning the proper way to fall and how to do the hockey stop.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
I tend to remember the gifts I give more than the ones I get. Favourites include an autographed book for my mum, some very geeky t-shirts for my brother, and wireless headphones for my dad. Not all were gifts I gave on my own, but it makes me really happy to know that I'm giving someone I love something they really want.
14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Spending time with family and friends - even if we don't always get along all of the time, it's nice to have that time to catch up and touch base with loved ones.
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
Cheesecake. Always cheesecake. But it wouldn't be Christmas without my mum's trifle, even if it isn't my first choice.
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Opening gifts with my family, all around the tree, together.
17. What tops your tree?
A little angel. Christmas makes me all traditional-like.
18. Which do you prefer: giving or receiving?
Giving. I love my presents, and appreciate them, but I like giving the perfect gift even more.
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
O Holy Night. By far.
20. Candy Canes.
And for a break from the untimely holiday merriment, you have to go here and click on the margarita.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Man, I miss driving out in the middle of nowhere.
Sure, it was boring and the early morning hours made me worry about deer and raccoons jumping out in front of me. But, you know - I'd much rather deal with those fears than the daily, draining drag of driving in Toronto on the 400 series.
Mind you, it's not worth moving back to Dunnville.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
I have to apologise for the fuzzy, left-handed, drive-by shot. But, hey - consider the hooded buddy a bonus.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Of course, it helps that it's on my old campus.
I spent the day in the food science building at Guelph, learning about ingredient labelling. Woot.
We had the usual retinue of students, with some grown-up variety thrown in. We had the overeager question asker. The latecomer who asks questions about stuff we covered before she got there. The know-it-all who compared Every. Single. Regulation. to the equivalent American reg. The one who answered her cell phone with an, "Oh, that's okay - I'm just in a class." The noisy halls, the uncomfortable chairs, and the powerpoint. Oh, the powerpoint.
But it was a good course overall, and I'm headed back to Guelph tomorrow for another. I think I'll have more coffee tomorrow - I don't know how many more times I can stab myself in the leg with a pen until I start to bleed out.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
It all began Friday night, when Jodi came to meet me for dinner in Burlington. We had originally intended to go to Jack Astor's in Ancaster, but a big accident on the 403 made that seem like a really bad idea, so we changed our plans and met up at Milestone's. It was great seeing Jodi and getting a chance to catch up, even if it was just a flying visit. And Jodi liked the presentation of our garlic-heavy appetizer that she wanted a digital record of it.
It was very yummy. I regretted the copious amounts of garlic later, but that's another story. And that's the end of that story.
The next morning, Rosalie, Marissa and Jen met me at Ikea in Burlington, and we headed down to Fair November in Guelph, for our annual pilgrimage for crafts and campus memories.
We made sure to make our usual stop at the chocolate covered fruit-on-a-stick booth. (so good) Then headed back to Burlingon to Ikea. By this point, we were kind of running low on energy, so we particularly enjoyed the furniture displays.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
|Your Element Is Air|
You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world.
And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly.
Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life.
You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful.
You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person.
With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that!
See you tomorrow!
Friday, November 17, 2006
So what happens?
I hear from two different friends on the same night. Friends who will be in Toronto and want to take the time to meet up and catch up. Friends who are wonderful friends and can be counted on, even when I’m being stupid and blind and self-pitying.
And? Tomorrow is Fair November day! Ever year, a group of friends from my old workplace in The-Middle-Of-Nowhere, Ontario gets together and head down for the annual craft/art show at the University of Guelph. We shop and talk and laugh and eat together, and it’s a great day. And that’s tomorrow.
So even though the skies are still gloomy, and my mum is still sick, and all the problems at work are still around, I can feel the heavy weight of sadness lifting from my chest – not because I’m rationalizing it away, or even because I’m escaping it, but just because it’s another day and there are friends in it.
In other news, I have finished the cable scarf. I also told the friend for whom it was originally intended that it exists, and that I had planned to give it to her for Christmas – before she started in on how she has far too many scarves and not enough necks. She said that this ‘is different’ and sheepishly said that she would still like to get it, because (she has not seen it) it sounds wonderful and warm. And it is. I didn’t tell her to shame her into accepting it, but only because I already have another project lined up for her in lieu of the scarf, and thought I should share the frustration. We’ll see how this all plays out – if the other project is finished in time, she may get both.
Other Christmas knitting is boring the snot out of me. It’s a log cabin blanket done in neutral colours, for my dad. Blankets are big and square and even the appeal of the log cabin wears off when the rows get longer and longer and more and more garter-y, if that’s possible.
But I have some more interesting ideas for a few other gifts – getting a start on those will hopefully help me to get over my little patch of log cabin boredom.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
I know that the situation right now isn't as horrible as it could be - and yet it kind of is, because of all the possibilities it holds.
So many times in my life - particularly when I'm going through something that is hard for me to take - I feel like I have no right to burden people around me with the knowledge that I am not doing okay. Not today. Too often, I laugh off my worry, my confusion, my hurt, to prove that I am strong and above this and don't need to have other people help me, because, all too often, I feel like there is no one there with whom I have a close enough relationship to ask that sort of thing of them. Juno's entry today today made me think about all this again, and she says it all so much more eloquently than I can, and without the heavy sad thing that's happening here. So go there.
I promise to have something less self-pitiful here soon. Sorry.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
I hate when I'm doing just fine with my avoidance and cheeriness and someone sincerely asks me how I'm doing and tells me they're thinking about me and then I have to stop avoiding thinking about the thing I must not think about.
I hate that the thing that is causing all this is "nothing".
How can a negative, the absence of a problem, cause such ...? I have no words.
So, sucky as it is, this will have to do for today's post, because my mum is very sick, but the tests are all negative and I want to be sad and worried for a bit.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Some recent conversations: (see if you can pick out the hard left turn)
"So I went to Subway to pick up our dinner one night and ran into our pizza guy! I felt so guilty I tried to pretend I didn't see him."
"Ha! Did he recognise you?"
"Was he getting a sub?"
"What do you like on your pizzas?"
"It looks like this thing's going to go pretty late this afternoon. I think it's going to be quite busy over there."
"That's too bad - I hope things go well."
"Do you like Starbucks?"
"I live about twenty minutes away from work. The commute's not too bad."
"Yeah, that's not bad - the QEW can be brutal."
"Hm. What is your last name?"
"They're planning to repaint the walls and put down new carpet."
"Hm. Who is the most senior person here?"
We've started trying to anticipate the kinds of questions we'll get in upcoming conversations.
"We met people from Company A and they offered to help us with that problem."
"Hm. What colour were their shoes?"
We're trying to decide if this makes her a wee bit um... eccentric, or whether she is in fact gathering information about us for some nefarious scheme.
Wouldn't be the first.
Monday, November 13, 2006
That light flashes all day and all night, and it makes me anxious. It makes me feel like I'm being told that it's time to 'go ahead' but I don't know what it is that I'm supposed to do, where it is I'm supposed to go. If this is a sign in my life, then someone needs to tell me where to find the accelerator, and the steering wheel. Then I can get started, get on my way... to wherever it is I'm supposed to be headed.
On off on off on off on off on
Later in the afternoons, as the light fades from the sky, earlier and earlier every day, the small, green, flashing light gets brighter and more insistent, telegraphing an urgency, a panic. As if whatever it is I need to do, I need to do it soon, or it will be too late.
On off on off on off on off on
I close the blinds.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
But the one thing that really made me feel unimportant and overlooked?
The automatic doors didn't open for me at Michael's. Hmmph.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
|What American accent do you have? |
Your Result: North Central
|The Inland North|
|What American accent do you have?|
Take More Quizzes
Quiz stolen from Maryse at Monster Yarn. Steal and steal alike.
|What Your Soul Really Looks Like|
You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds.
You believe that people see you as a bit small and insignificant. People pay more attention to you than you think.
Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it.
For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.
I'd say some bits here hit the mark - I definitely feel pretty insignificant most of the time. But I feel justified in that opinion, based on the proof that people generally have to 'meet' me three or four times before they remember me. It's really quite odd, as if I have no distinguishing features strong enough to warrant a memory. Maybe I should start wearing a flower tucked behind my ear, or a very ugly hat. All the time.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be feeling more write-y. In the meantime, go read a few recaps.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Even though I've bought a few knitting books by this point in my yarny adventures - and they're some good books - I still rely mainly on the internet for my knitting knowledge and trawling for patterns. I rely on all the other knitgeeks out there and what they've learned, both good and bad, to make my small steps forward. I also rely on all the terribly creative people and the patterns they so generously share.
I bookmark patterns and tips everywhere I go. My real challenge is remembering to go back and use those links.
Here are just a few of the bookmarked patterns and resources that I've come across in my travels:
Sodera Socks (I don't know why I bookmark socks - I don't really knit them yet. My only sock so far was a misshapen tube of multicoloured acrylic.
Knitting Tote (I'm still trying to decide if I think this is fun-looking, or frumpy)
Tiny Purse (I'm pretty sure I think this is ugly, but I like the idea)
Hello Yarn (So many fun patterns, including my WIP Irish Hiking Scarf. Highlights include pirate mittens and an anime hat)
La's (of JenLa) sock post (a blog post chock-full of resource links for learning how to knit socks. See above re: socks)
Knitting Pattern Central (lots of really good stuff here, but you have to dig through some not-so-good stuff sometimes. Ooh! I just found a bunch of stitches here. I need a stitch dictionary...)
Reid Cardigan from Knitty (Knitty. Of course, Knitty. Love it. This is a baby cardigan I thought about trying out a while back)
MagKnits (another online knitting magazine - I don't like it as much as I like Knitty, but there are some fun patterns in here, too)
Witterings (a fun, floppy sunhat)
The Clapotis Cap (a hat made in a pattern similar to the Clapotis. Still trying to decide if I like it.)
Pinwheel Baby Blanket (I forgot about this pattern. I may have to try this out.)
Slipper Boots (I like this pattern - it's very geeky, with places to fill in measurements to get a custom fit)
Felted Pumpkins (I love these little things. Why, oh, why didn't I discover felting when I had a washer and dryer all to myself? Now I have to wait until I move again. Bleh.)
Wool Works (another little gathering of knit resources)
It's good to go through my bookmarks once in a while - I tend to just click it and forget about it. It'll be nice to get that wiki filled up by people who know more by me and then I can get my lists cut down a bit.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
And every now and then, I hit one that hits me juuuuust right, and makes me laugh out loud. It's not usually the funniest picture, but the one that triggers a giggle for whatever reason.
This is one of those.
See? Not the funniest picture ever. Maybe not even the funniest picture on Stuff on my Cat today. Maybe it's the expression. Or it could be the beady little Frankenstein eyes. The caption was definitely part of it. Whatever it is, it just made me laugh out loud in my apartment all alone. As pathetic as that may sound.Another place I check daily just for giggles is Cute Overload. Nothing like piles of fuzzy, furry cute things to coax a smile out of a day of spreadsheet frustration and emails full of capital letters.
I feel like I need to trim my bloglines a little bit. When getting through my list becomes more of a chore than a pleasure, it's no longer a treat. In the meantime, I'll just keep enjoying other people's creativity and pictures and stories.
Maybe it is still a treat.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
As a concept, the Secret Santa system is a good one. Instead of buying for ten people, you only have to buy for one, meaning it not only costs less, but you can take the time and make the effort to find something meaningful, that you know your person will like. Sure, there is the downside - people paired up with people they don't know well, or people who can't be bothered to get a good present, leaving their recipient feeling uncared for and maybe a little bitter about the whole thing.
Then there's the 'present stealing' system. In this system, everyone at the party brings a wrapped present, worth an agreed-upon amount. One by one, the people at the party are chosen, by drawing names, or by dealing cards, or by whatever other method. The first person chooses a present and opens it. The next person has a choice: they can either choose another wrapped present, or choose to take the already opened present from person number one, who then takes and opens another wrapped gift. The third person can choose either of these opened presents, or open a new one of their own. And so on until all the presents have been opened and claimed. This can go terribly wrong. The last time I took part in one of these, a bottle of wine was in the mix, making all other carefully chosen and purchased presents unwanted and their purchasers feeling insulted and unappreciated. Thanks to a few jerks who ended up as the final 'choosers'.
The best Christmas gift exchange I've taken part in in a while, aside from my yearly exchange with friends in Windsor, was an 'unwanted' gift exchange. Everyone was invited to bring something from home - nothing bought. It wasn't to be garbage, but rather items that you were maybe regifting, or that you'd bought for yourself and never ended up using - something that you just didn't want, for whatever reason. Then we went through the gift stealing scenario above. The items were all decent, but none were so much better than the others that there was a struggle to get them.
However the gifts are going to be handed out, it's about time to start gathering them together. Not to mention getting the needles clacking a bit faster.
Monday, November 06, 2006
There's a particular sweetness to the last breaths of warm air before winter truly sets in. Especially when we've already tasted some of the chill.
Autumn is definitely my favourite time of the year, with its crispness, its apples, its colours, its smells. But it seems to get shorter every year. I feel like I was cheated out of this year's autumn almost entirely. It wasn't long after the leaves started to change colour that we were treated to snow. And even though we're getting the warmer weather again now, it's now after Thanksgiving, after the leaves are all on the ground and swept away to wherever they go before the long, cold months.
But these days, it's not just the autumn we're getting cheated out of. We haven't had a crisp, white winter in years. Summers are sticky and unbearable, or cool and rainy every weekend. Spring has always been too short, and too wet. We've gone from having months full of each season, but I have no idea what's filling in all the leftover space.
Maybe I'm filling it with whining.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Clearly, I have neitehr the energy nor the creativity right now to contribute anything of worth. In lieu of, here's my Celtic horoscope.
|You Are A Hazelnut Tree|
Here's to a caffeinated Monday.
What is this power? I have no name for it, and it defies logical description. All I can do to try to explain it to you is to demonstrate to you the effects it has had on my life. And my wallet.
Every major electronic device I have purchased, I purchased while in Windsor. While visiting with my brother. While shopping with my brother. Mp3 player? Windsor Best Buy. Digital camera? Windsor Best Buy. Computer? Windsor PC Outfitters. DVR? Windsor Best Buy. Vonage package? Windsor Best Buy.
And today culminated in a purchase that baffles me. For today, while out 'just looking around', I bought a laptop. I had no intention of purchasing a laptop today. I hoped only to take advantage of my brother's knowledge and advice while I had it, to get a better idea of the kind of computer I should, one day, look for and consider purchasing. Instead, I was taken again to PC Outfitters, just to 'talk' to my brother's friend. This friend offered me a good computer. At a very good price. And the credit card was suddenly swiped and I was suddenly picking up the box and then I was suddenly installing my precious Google toolbar.
I do like this new toy. Without it, right now, on day four of NaBloPoMo, I would have failed to post.
I thank the radiation.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Thursday, November 02, 2006
But then there came along another night of bed-delaying, and, since TeleToon is one of my primary sources for this delaying, I inevitably saw it again. It grew on me.
It's a very funny show. And it fits in perfectly as a show to watch just before heading to bed - it's on at 10, and is only about 10 minutes long. So I can watch the whole thing without feeling guilty about staying up later than I meant to. The only danger is getting sucked into Aqua Teen Hunger Force, which comes on just after. But, conveniently, there's a five minute gap, filled with commercials, that provides a good safety buffer.
ANYWAY. The other night, this was part of the show.
Considering my childhood fears of Cabbage Patch Kids, this was not a great thing to watch just before heading to bed.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Following in the intrepid footsteps of Rabbitch, I have joined NaBloPoMo. I am now challenged with the task of posting here every day in November. I get the little fluttery-heart panics just thinking about it.
Anybody looking for a new scarf? Never worn. It's not even finished yet. I'm sure I'll be able to find someone else with a cold neck who likes cables and 'New Denim' blue. I'm just feeling a bit deflated right now. Luckily, a new knitting book should help to cheer me up and inspire new projects.
See you tomorrow! Until then, I distract from the lack of true content with a kitten.