Wednesday, March 31, 2004

I'm getting very, very excited about the new apartment. I'm really worried about money, though. A couple of people at work were supposed to go to a conference next month, and it was kaiboshed by the higher-ups - and it had been budgeted! So, if a little $2000 trip is being rejected, then I really, really can't see a substantial raise being approved. Ick.

But enough about that. I'm getting a new apartment! With new, clean rooms and an intact ceiling, and laundry! I just hope I can afford it...

Okay, now the worry is overcoming the excitement. Must not allow it!

I've been trying to visualize the layout in the new place - where to put the bed, how to set up the living room and the spare room, and what's going to be going straight downstairs into storage.

I have too much stuff. I think eventually I'll maybe get rid of the big kitchen table and replace it with a side bench and some stools. Maybe I can sell the table at the September yard sale.

Okay, this is pointless. Excitement, hope, worry, panic, anxiety, then back to excitement. I feel that the next week and a half are going not going to be very restful.

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Well, I've done it. I am now confirmed to be moving into a new apartment in Binbrook on April 15th. I'm excited and scared. Excited, because I'm getting out of a place I've come to absolutely hate (not a place to call 'home'). Scared, because I know that it's more than I can really afford comfortably. IF I get a decent raise in May, all will be well. But with all the excitement at work, I don't want to count on that.

I am enjoying my time in Windsor. Just being away from my apartment is an enormous weight off my shoulders. And knowing that I will be free soon after returning also imbues good feelings.

I really like spending time in Windsor. Seeing people like Chrys and John, hanging out, just watching rented movies or playing cards are small delights that I really, really miss. I'm hoping that I start to spend some time with (non-work) people now that I'm living closer to some friends like Leanne and Timothy. And Cell will be a breeze, now that I'm living so close to Hamilton. I can even host! If I can figure out where people can park...

I think I'll ask Brent (new landlord) if I can stop by on the way back on Tuesday, to take a closer look at the apartment. I'd like to be able to do some measuring and planning with a good idea of what I can and can't do. I really am worried about finances - I'll have to be quite careful from here on in.

But for now, I'm just going to be excited about a new apartment. Putting up my pictures, setting up my furniture, storing things and organizing things. I have a lot to do in the next few weeks.

But it's all GOOD. :-)

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

I'm trying to make peace with where I am right now.

It's especially difficult, as when I came home, I could see that the neighbours had been in my backyard and garage, and they had shoveled all their snow up against my door so that I couldn't get into my home.

But I think I'm going to be okay. I prayed about it, which is something I haven't been doing much for a while. I realise how much I've changed since I've been 'apart' from God - since I stopped maintaining the relationship I had with Him. I used to know His voice, and - well, the only word I can think of here is 'nourish' - I used to be nourished by that relationship, and by prayer. And now, I have a much shorter temper, and less tolerance, and I'm petty at times. I hate that. I'm hoping that this might be the time that sticks, but time will tell...

I've only looked at one apartment so far. Rose gave me a copy of the Welland paper for this past weekend's listings, but I haven't done anything with them yet. I like the one I looked at, but the price is a bit high, and it's on a main road, which I'm not crazy about.

For now, it's all about making peace within. Cheesy, but true.

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Well, I did it.

Sort of.

I told my landlady that I was going to be looking for a new place to live in the near future. I told her that I'm not giving my "two months' notice", but that I would give her all the notice required once I know where/when I'm going.

They're in the driveway again.

But let's not think about that right now. Which means I also can't go outside or look out the window. It was especially fun tonight, as I had a trunk full of groceries to bring in, tramping them through the house.

But we're not paying any attention to that.

Today is finally almost kinda warm. It's another thing I'm trying not to get too enthusiastic about - it's almost certain that there'll be another few snowfalls before winter has truly released its grip. But for now, I'll enjoy today.

Something a bit amusing happened at the grocery store. I was in the 'juice' section, picking out some frozen lime-ade concentrate (fab stuff), and there was a good 'oldie' song playing on the store radio. I was kind of humming along, and then gradually noticed that the girl cleaning the shelves nearby was quietly singing along, too. Then I noticed that some guy in the frozen foods section was almost belting out the lyrics. It felt like a very 'the world is in a good mood today' moment. I couldn't help but smile.

I am beat. I had to do the same trial three times yesterday, and still ended up with unsatisfactory results. And I ended up staying until almost 6:00, then going back in from 8 until 9:30. Then I was too keyed up to get to bed right away etc. etc. etc. Tired. One of those days when every time I sit down I have to hold up my head because it feels too heavy to stay up on its own.

Time to go cuddle with the cat and pretend the world outside the window doesn't exist.

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

I am so angry right now. I'm sick and tired of the people in the upstairs apartment - their guests are now parked in the driveway, blocking it so that I can't park in MY DRIVEWAY!!! They're so inconsiderate!! And I'm guessing that Anne is going to call tonight about March's rent. So, I'll most likely tell her that I'm leaving this apartment. It's not worth the aggravation. People going into my backyard, and even into my garage and taking things out and using them and leaving them out in the rain! I don't understand how people can think that this is okay! I'm so uncomfortable in this apartment. I feel like I have no privacy - people are constantly walking by my windows - that's not their fault, but it makes me uncomfortable. Then, just about every day, someone is parked in the driveway - blocking me in or out. I don't know how they think this is okay!!?!?!?

I'm sitting in the living room, wearing my coat, so that I don't sit down and settle in, because I have to go out and MOVE MY CAR INTO MY OWN FREAKING DRIVEWAY as soon as that bloody car moves. And it's doubly annoying, because the car is right outside my window - I can't look outside without seeing it.

And they've put a bloody great COUCH out on the side of the road. I'll bet that when the garbage collectors don't pick it up tomorrow morning, they'll put it into MY garage. It makes me want to scream with anger and cry with frustration. How hard is it to respect other peoples' boundaries? Really? I'm not asking for much, here, I don't think.

I'm not comfortable going up to their apartment and asking them to move the car - and I shouldn't have to.

I've never been comfortable in this apartment. I'm sorry I ever moved in.

Now I'm moving out.

Monday, March 01, 2004

And so another week begins.

Had a decent weekend - a lazy Saturday, movie rental, and then Sunday some shopping, then a movie (Dirty Dancing Havana Nights) and dinner with Rose, Marissa and Jen.

One regret - I didn't go to my discussion group on Friday. I had originally planned to leave work early, so that I could have a nap and be somewhat alert that night. But with the trials at work, and with Darren not there because he was sick, I couldn't leave early at all - ended up leaving late. And I was beat - again. Stupid. You'd think I was 60, and not 28!

Anyway, this week is one that I'm finding challenging to be positive about. One tech on vacation, and one tech training leaves me to do one and sometimes two lines - and today the line did NOT go smoothly. Lots of little problems. And lots of big ones, too. And stupid people who were not being helpful at all. I didn't let myself get mad at the time, but it's starting to come through. I called one person to let him know about the problems, and he hung up on me and called my boss to complain about me. Wow. Sounds even worse when I type it out, doesn't it? So, thanks to him and the other 'production' supervisor (talk about an ironic title), we now have a great deal of very valuable garbage sitting in the warehouse.

Whatever. 'Havana Nights' was about what I expected - a fun movie, not terrible, not terribly great. But an hour-and-a-half diversion. And fun to see with friends. Some bad actors, some good dancers, some bad scenes, some good music. Enjoyable.

Today was a tease of spring. It wasn't warm, but the bite was gone from the cold. And everything is melting, forming little pools of incredibly clear water surrounded by slick ice. Gives one hope, it does.