Recovering from Yarn Fumes

This was a very, very good weekend. And perhaps best of all, it was preceeded by a couple of weeks of lovely anticipation.

Charlotte was coming to town for a conference, and had a free weekend following up. So we planned to meet up for a little yarn crawling and revelry in geekery. And things pretty much went exactly as planned.

I picked Charlotte up Saturday afternoon, and we headed to St. Lawrence market for lunch (savoury crepes and potato ... things. They were good. That's all I need to know) and the fixings for dinner in the form of fresh, handmade pasta and sauce, shrimp, and eggplant. Then it was time for the yarn crawl.

The first stop was The Naked Sheep in The Beach, which was a shop I hadn't visited before. It's a very nice shop, and I picked up some new bamboo needles to replace some long, ungainly plastic needles that have been driving me up the wall. This was also the place we saw the first Clapotis of the day - aside from the one I was wearing, of course. I warned Charlotte (a crocheter) that we would be seeing several of these as we wandered the yarn stores of Toronto. I should have kept track, but I do know it was at least three.


Next up was, of course, Lettuce Knit. It was here where the true enabling kicked in, as Charlotte found a great book of crochet patterns for babies, and we got some help picking out some Baby Ull in a warm, kind of milk-chocolate brown. I had to join in the illicit spending and picked up some of the Manos del Uruguay that I fell in love with during the knitting of the Kitty 62 hat for Rachel.

I also picked up a book that I am sure will very, very quickly become a favourite and a staple. I kind of feel like my bookshelf is honoured to have it join its ranks.

We ended our mini-yarn-crawl at The Knit Cafe, enjoying the chance to play with our new toys and relax with some delicious treats.

And we ended our day with some very geeky television watching, wherein I doomed Charlotte by getting her hooked on Firefly, which was very mean and I feel kind of bad about.

This morning, we had breakfast at Cora's (mmm, cheesy omelettes, awesome coffee, and crepes full of raspberry and cream) before I dropped Char off at the bus station for the long ride back to North Bay.

The whole visit was full of catching up (some much overdue catching up included) and lots of singleton bonding that is usually lacking when we meet up, as we're generally with a group of very married-with-children friends in Windsor. As much as I love my many couple-friends and their families, it's really nice to get a chance to connect with someone who is really in more of the same kind of place in life as I am. We haven't quite taken the fast train to bitter town, but we do both appreciate the chance to be with people who don't have to check with their 'better half' before planning a weekend away, or going out for an evening.

And as great as married life might be, single life can be pretty good, too. Especially when you include geekery and yarn.

Some Updates

So I emailed Denise Needles on Sunday afternoon, before the knitting had even cooled. I explained that I'd bought the set just under a year ago and had been completely happy up until the unfortunate demise of my little needle tip.

Monday afternoon, I received a response, including an apology for a not-unheard-of, but not common manufacturing defect, and a promise to send a replacement. Thank goodness - that's my hat cable! Maybe it expired from overwork.

I spoke to my mum tonight. She's still keeping her spirits up, but some things are getting harder to take.

She's lost enough hair now that she doesn't leave the house without a hat. And the hair that's left is basically dead, meaning that no amount of styling products can make it do anything she wants it to do.

I'm working on another hat.

Mum's also had to go on a second round of the neupogen shots, to encourage her body to make more white blood cells. And, while the chemo treatments hadn't been too hard on her, these shots are a different story. They're making her feel sick again, and very tired. But she also gets bored pretty easily, so we'd have to strap her to the couch to keep her there for any length of time. We're considering it.

She's scheduled to have a CT scan at the end of February, that will show whether the chemo is winning.

Until then, I'll be over here, not thinking about it.

And knitting.

Curse this superhuman strength!

I just BROKE one of my Denise cables. I was sitting on the couch, knitting away on a baby blanket - a fairly tame, if involving project, when the black end piece on the cable in my right hand snapped in two, leaving my knitting to fall into my lap like so much cotton spaghetti.

By some divine miracle (thanks, God!) my kit was near at hand, and I was able to reach over and grab another point and cable out of the case and rescue the blanket with hopefully no damage done.

But my Denise set! Woe is me! I've loved this set, and I feel like I've been betrayed by a friend. I'm going to contact the company - I've heard from several people that they're very good about customer service. I just never thought I'd need to test it out.

Happy (cold, very cold) Rabbie Burns' Day

Happy Rabbie Burns' day! While my blood is saturated with Scottish-ness, I have to admit that I've never really done anything particular on this day before.

We celebrated at work with, rather than the traditional haggis (which most people really weren't into) Scottish meat pies, chips, and mushy peas.

And to finish things off, Jen brought a very yummy trifle.

Today was also the coldest day we've had this winter in Toronto. I celebrated this early, by finishing a hat for my friend Rachel.

I love this hat, and this yarn. I may have to do something similar for myself. What a concept - knitting a hat for me... Anyway, this hat was knit in Manos del Uruguay, using the Official Kitty62 Hat pattern. Lots of fun to knit up. And there was just about exactly enough yarn.

Tonight I've started knitting for an impending baby - one of a set. Twins are great - twice as many babies to knit for! Baby number one will be getting a Baby Love blanket like the one I knit for Darren and Angie's little girl. Baby number two will be getting a blanket knit using the Fibercrack pattern from JenLa.

I feel like I'm knitting an anti-hat - starting on dpn's and working my way up to the circulars.

I like it.

Running in Circles

I made a couple more hats while in Windsor, out of fun fur and acrylic yarns that my mum picked out. She was feeling in need of some colour, and chose bright, multicoloured yarns that I never would have picked out for her, and there's lots of it left. I have many more hats to come.

On Sunday, I just couldn't face another circle, another hat. I picked out a fun little novelty yarn called Pooch, in browns and blues, and cast on. Then ripped out when the little built-in bobbles caused confusion when I tried to do some drop stitches. Then cast on again. Then ripped out again when I noticed a dropped stitch several rows back, caught in the tangle of bumps and strands. And ripped back again. I finally stuck with straight garter stitch, ten stitches across, and knit until it was done, which was by the end of the evening.

I do like how it turned out - just a cute, silly little scarf. But even though I'd finally gotten a change, a break from the round knitting, I was feeling a different kind of craving - a craving for luxury, for a chance to have something other than squeaky, lumpy, furry acrylics and novelties.

Ah, just the thing.

This yarn is so lovely and soft, I don't even mind that I'm back to knitting in circles.

Much.

Another Three Days, Another Hat

I am challenged with the knitting of the chemo caps for my mum. She has an unusually small head, which is a fact that I never thought would cause me frustration. But the time has come. Her head is apparently so small that she also frustrated the woman at the wig centre, who had only one wig that would even fit her.

I've been trying to experiment with making the hats I'm knitting smaller than my head, but not too small. And I'm not so good at this. If my mother were a little closer than four hours away, I could use some trial and error and lots of ripping to get things just right. But, well, she's in Windsor and I'm in Port Credit and there's a lot of 401 between there and here.

So, for this latest hat, I tried to not only make the hat smaller, but also to make it adjustable in size a bit. I gave it a roll brim so that the height can be adjusted. And, in what I must admit turned out to be stupid luck, I added a row of simple lacy holes (yo, k2tog) just above the brim, to break up the straight knitting and give some character. Once I'd gotten a few rows past this section, it occurred to me that those holes could easily be threaded with something decorative. And this lead to this:



I did two strings of knotting with the same yarn used to knit the hat (pull the yarn through its own slip knot over and over), twisted them together, and threaded through the holes.

I really like the way it turned out. And the string makes it very easy to adjust the fit of the hat around the head.



And I think it looks cute. I hope Mum likes this one. I may even do the same kind of thing for myself, later. I will not, however, be using this yarn - though soft, it persisted in tangling and sticking to itself, in some kind of bizarre and frustrating self-felting fit.

Jen was kind enough to model the hat for me, saving me from an arm's length self-portrait or another dangerous cat modelling session.

Tomorrow I'm headed down to Windsor for the weekend. Better load enough podcasts onto the mp3 player to keep me awake on the 401.

I, Jerk

I feel like I got a taste of how to be a jerk today.

I had all my (11) items on the table at the grocery store when I realised that I was at the 1-8 cash. I walked out to my car, only to find that I had parked in a pregnant lady/new mother parking space. I was tempted to waddle carefully across the ice with a couple of loaves of bread stuffed under my coat.

I finished the fuzzy acrylic hat tonight, and have started on a hat with a cable pattern that looks like it will be nice and warm. I did something a little different with the fuzzy hat, that I'll take a picture of tomorrow, when I'm not quite so comfortable here on my couch.

In the meantime, I suggest you go have a little fun with a simple and surprisingly addictive little game called Line Rider.

Fuzzy Hats

Winter has finally hit Toronto, and it's almost a relief. Ice rain? Well, at least it's cold out, I guess.

I am celebrating the arrival of the cold and wind and snow by knitting a hat. I am also celebrating getting home from work, taking a lunch break, and watching the traffic report in the morning by knitting a hat. I'm planning to head down to Windsor to visit my family this weekend, and I'd like to give my mum as many hats as I can have ready by then.

Progress, however, is slow ever since I started with a thin, fuzzy acrylic. First, I tried to do a little butterfly-type stitch to make it a bit more interesting. But I was nearing the end of the hat when I realised that

1 - the number of cast on stitches was too high, meaning the hat would be too big. And,

2 - I was screwing up the butterfly stitch, increasing by about 7 stitches every few rounds, making the hat mushroom-like and even bigger.

So, it's been painstakingly frogged and all the little fuzzy mind-melded bits pulled apart and the one big ball is now about five smaller, broken-ended balls. Thankfully, the end is near again.

Coming up, I've got some nice, chunky, solid yarn on big needles. For my sanity.

In chemo-news, it turns out that my mum's body is short on white blood cells, so she's started a series of self-administered injections of neupogen. Hopefully, this will increase the number of white blood cells her body is making, and she can continue with the chemo. Unfortunately, the injections come with their own set of side effects, including bone pain.

Cancer sucks.

Back to knitting.

My Life in Pictures

It's become something of a tradition. Every year, I create a slideshow using my favourite pictures from the whole year, January to December.

Here's the offering from 2006. Happy Belated New Year!

Chemo Visit

While I was visiting my parents for Christmas, I had the opportunity to go with my mum to a chemo appointment. I was glad to have the chance to do this with her for several reasons. First, just to know that I can be a support for her right now, even if it’s just being the person to drive her to the cancer centre and fetch her coffee and push her wheelchair. And second, out of sheer curiosity – I had no idea what was involved with a session of chemo.

Sonya, a family friend who also recently underwent cancer treatment, came with us, to show me where to go and park, and for the company. After dropping Mum off in her chair and returning from the distant parking lot via the free shuttle, we discovered that we were going to be there a lot longer than we had originally planned for. Because of the two holidays, there were a lot more people than usual waiting for their appointments. We learned that we would also have to wait until several blood tests had been completed and analysed; these are normally done the day before, but, again – that was Boxing Day.

The cancer centre wasn't the serious, somewhat depressing place I half-expected it to be. It was full of light, despite the gloominess of the day. In fact, after some wandering around the hospital after being gently kicked out of the treatment room, I came to the conclusion that the cancer centre is the most light-filled area of the whole place. The people were not despondent and hopeless - rather, they were strong and friendly, and open to share with each other their challenges, symptoms, and triumphs. And there were knitters who politely admired my blanket and shared stories of their own projects.

After a couple of hours of waiting (approximately six inches of baby blanket) we were lead into a large room lined with armchairs, similar to a blood donation clinic. Mum took a seat in one of the chairs, and, after checking temperature and blood pressure, and reviewing symptoms and progress, the nurse hooked up a saline drip to her PICC line. Over the next two and a half hours, Mum received four drugs: a combination of simple injections and IV bags.

Once all of the syringes and bags had been emptied into Mum, we were finished for the day.

Overall, I was impressed by the cancer centre. Downstairs from the waiting and treatment areas, there is a high-ceiled, open space furnished with couches and bookshelves full of books that can be checked out by patients. While waiting, I read a book about cancer and humour. There is also a small store stocked with wigs, hats and turbans, all available for purchase, or, for someone who can't afford to pay, just to be taken and used.

Mum's doing okay in her treatment so far, but she is experiencing some negative side effects. She has pain in her fingertips and has lost most of her hair now. She was informed yesterday that her body isn't making enough red blood cells. If she wants to continue the chemo, she needs to start giving herself daily injections.

But through everything, Mum is keeping positive and strong. A positive to losing your hair? No shaving your legs for weeks! And it's funny to hear her talk about food - you don't often hear someone say, "Oh, I really think I should have more butter on this - for my health, you know." Today she had a small triumph in the gaining of two pounds - her first weight gain since everything started months ago.

On the knitting side of things, two of the hats I knit were too big - my mum apparently has a freakishly small head. The fuzzy, brown chenille hat fits alright once the brim is turned up, and the blue hat fits okay, but the white, lace-edged hat is far too big. I've asked Mum to give any hats that she won't use to the cancer centre hat shop, so none will be wasted.

I'm glad I could go once, to see and meet the people who are helping my mum to get better.

New Toys

Oh, man, I'm stupid sometimes. For the past few weeks, I was occasionally checking StatCounter, and was a little disappointed that it appeared no one had visited my blog since October or so. And was also confused, because I know that that's not true. It finally dawned on me that when I made the switch over to Google's Blogger Beta, I did not put the code back in for the tracking magic doohickey.

D'oh.

Anyway, things are getting back in line, and life is returning to normal - kind of. Well, except for work, where we are undergoing renovations, so there are days full of packing things into boxes, unpacking boxes, moving furniture, inhaling paint fumes, digging to find the coffee, and yelling into the phone over drills and hammers. It's lovely. But at least now my office is a nice blue colour, rather than an old, tired, pasty pink colour.

Things at home are going okay - I finally took down my few, meager Christmas decorations yesterday. It's much easier to put them away when you don't put much up. I think I was a couple of days too late to avoid the bad luck of leaving them up after the twelfth night. Oh, well - I'm sure I'll spill the salt and trip over a black cat soon, and then I'll probably just step in front of a bus and be done with it.

Believe it or not, I really did have some interesting things I wanted to talk about - primarily, my trip to the Windsor Regional Cancer Centre with my mum over the holidays. And I will talk about them, but right now I just want to peel the contacts off my eyeballs, put on my warm, comfy jammies, and then maybe play with my terribly exciting and wonderful new toys!

I picked these up at Lettuce Knit on Saturday. I wasn't home early enough to play with them that night, but Sunday afternoon found me looking for any unwound skeins and making these neat, little cakes that stack so beautifully.

It turned out that I only had three small skeins to wind, so I ended up unwinding balls I'd done by hand, just to play with the gadgets some more. I love the way the swift causes its own little breeze, when it's spinning so fast the yarn is just a blur of colour.

I need to buy more yarn, just to wind it, I think. This - THIS is how baby stashes grow out of control!

Christmas Recap

It was a good Christmas. A busy Christmas, but a good Christmas. This was maybe my first one where I had to be a grown-up, rather than just sitting back and letting my parents do their thing.

Christmas dinner turned out just fine, despite my worries. The real surprise was the complete role-reversal of Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. It was my brother and I who waited patiently for our parents to go to bed and fall asleep so that we could set up their gifts. We got them a PVR (personal video recorder) that works like a DVR, but does oh-so-much more, including internet access and video archiving, all through the TV, using a remote. While I'd chipped in for the cost of the materials, it was my brother, Scott, who spent weeks putting everything together and making it all work, which turned out to be very, very challenging. And then when it came time to hook everything up to the big TV in the living room, of course, things did not go smoothly, and we were up until 2 am. I was pretty much there just for the moral support - though, I don't know how effective my "support" was, as I kept asking every five minutes if I could just go to bed already.

In the morning, my parents (who no longer sleep late) were up by 6:30, and had woken me up by 7 with their morning routine. I, of course, then proceeded to wake up Scott. Fair is fair.

As it does every year, the gifts were more than any of us should have spent, but all were so appreciated that no one regrets the cost in money and time. I finally gave my mum her Clapotis, and dad his log cabin blanket. The Clapotis is in mercerized cotton, and the blanket is in plain-Jane acrylics, all the better for washing.

I got some kitchen appliances from Santa - I always seem to get small appliances. I think Santa thinks I have a big kitchen. But now I get to replace my crusty, ten year old toaster oven (love the toaster oven), which is only a good thing. My brother got me a very cool printer, that even prints onto CDs and DVDs. In return, my brother got a whole lot of kitchen stuff for his (as yet theoretical) new apartment.

Other stuff happened during my break, but I kind of feel like I'm still recovering - more stories to come.

Keeping People Warm for Christmas

Every time there's a new Knitty, I love the patterns and love just about the whole issue. But there are so many patterns and ideas, that I tend to kind of set the whole thing aside in my mind to consider later. And then, being the very organised person I am, I forget about the whole thing.

Last week, Maryse wrote that she knitted up Knitty's Calorimetry, which prompted me to take another look. It is a great pattern. I printed out the pattern at work, so that I wouldn't forget again. My friend Jen noticed it, and I explained what it was. She's a non-knitter, and is very patient and polite when I go on about yarn and patterns. But she seemed quite taken with the notion. I mentioned that I planned to knit one for a friend for Christmas if I could finish it in time.

Jen's Christmas gift was the cabled scarf that I started knitting back in October. I presented it to her on Thursday, and then I gave her a Calorimetry on Friday. She was ecstatic.

It was knit following the pattern in Knitty, using Noro Kureyon. I love how it turned out - the colours make it look like some kind of terrain map, like you might find in National Geographic. Jen admitted that she really liked the scarf, but was secretly hoping for one of these as well

Happy to oblige.
Unfortunately, it's also rather too large. I thought so when I tried it on at home, and it was verified when Jen put it on the next morning. I offered to take it back and reknit at a better size, but Jen protested that then she wouldn't be able to wear it, and, while it might be 'a bit' too big, it would still keep her head warm.

I'm hoping that I can steal it back sometime in January.

I've since knitted a second one in the same yarn, but decreasing the starting number of stitches from 120 to 90. The size is better, but might be a little too small now. I'll have to wait to see how well it fits on the gift-ee. And then maybe make another. This is a really fun, fast pattern.


One that isn't fast? My dad's blanket, that I finally finished. It was fairly fun, to start with, I have to admit.

It was knit using one of the Log Cabin variations from Mason Dixon Knitting, and I just used acrylics. But I'm fairly happy with how it turned out. And I found that it does its job very well - it holds a lot of heat, and it's just the right size for lounging on the couch, without being so big that it's bulky or hard to handle.

So, Christmas knitting is officially done.

Merry Christmas!

End of the Year List

I'm hopping on yet another bandwagon/meme. I present the first line from each month of 2006.

January: Sitting at my desk and looking out the balcony doors, all I can see is a little patch of sky and other apartment buildings.

February: I love that I can bring my laptop home on the weekends.

March: To fight all of the frustrations and sadnesses and all the bad in my little world today, I have my very own gold medal to show my triumph over yarn, compliments of Franklin, via Steph.

April: It's finished!

May: Finally.

June: I don't like going to the movies on my own.

July: But it can!

August: This will not surprise many people who know my cat.

September: Sometimes there’s too much going on to blog about.

October: It's completely normal to say 'be right back' and then not show your face for a couple of weeks. Right?

November: Ever feel like you're setting yourself up for failure?

December: We finally have an answer for the question of why my mother has been so without energy for the past months.

Chemo Caps

One of the very few upsides of chemo? Excuse to knit hats! I have discovered in the past week that I really like knitting hats. They're very rewarding in terms of output. A hat a day is definitely do-able.

So far, I've finished three chemo caps. I also learned a little bit about what is important in a chemo cap.

1. Soft.

2. Nothing at all scratchy.

3. Non-allergenic materials if donating to unknown recipient(s).

4. Longer than some hats, since it must cover all the way to the bottom of the head, where it meets the neck.

5. Not ugly. (I'm trying)

First up is a white, lacy hat.

Yarn: Knit in Brown Sheep Company's Cotton Fleece in 'Cotton Ball' colour.

Pattern: The Lace-Edged Women's Hat from Head Huggers.

I don't think I had any variations on this one. Knit lace edge, make it five and a half inches long, start decreasing in the regular way. Try hat on. Try hat on squirmy cat. Done.

Next up was a pretty standard 'hat' hat. Knit using the Standard hat recipe, learned from Crazy Aunt Purl.

Yarn: Patons Bhemian in Artistic Taupes.

Cast on 44 stitches to begin, knitted five and a half stitches on US 10 needles (Denise), then began the decreases. Very soft and cushy. I like this one.

The usual cat model rules were also followed.

And finally, the Blanche hat, pattern found here.

Knit in Zara merino DK weight, can't find the ball band to tell you the colour. Blue of some sort. Even being wool, this yarn is nice and soft, almost silky.

Next up, I may try out the Clapotis cap, to go along with the clapotis I knit for Mum for Christmas.

The cat modelling was bypassed for this hat, as I was in danger of losing my hand at the wrist. And I need that wrist to knit more hats.

For now, though, I'm going to go wrap up some more fudge.

The Return of the Fudge

Since high school, every year I used to make fudge. It was my Christmas thing. But every year, I ended up stuck with more and more leftover fudge - pounds of it. So, last year, I decided not to make the fudge, figuring that there are enough sweets around at Christmas that no one would notice or care. So, I was surprised when I mentioned to a friend that I didn't make it last year, and got a very flat, "I noticed" in response.


So, this year, I got all the chocolate and sugar together, and the fudge lives again.







It was also a way to use up some of that 10 lbs of chocolate, that I won in a raffle at work.

Any ideas how to use up the remaining nine and a half pounds?

Chemo

My mum’s first chemo treatment was on Tuesday. It’s really pretty impressive that she got the diagnosis on Thursday, and had the second opinion/confirmation and was in chemo by Tuesday of the next week. No complaints there. As a matter of fact, a lot of things are looking up now that we have the confirmed diagnosis. But I’ll get to that.

When I spoke to Mum on Monday, she was very nervous about the next day. She’d been told what to expect in general terms, and she’d met all the people who would be involved, but it’s still a new environment, and experience, and she didn’t know how she would take things once she was there, in terms of both her body’s reaction, and her own, emotionally and spiritually.

Once she arrived, she had a brief doctor’s appointment, to speak with her oncologist, and to get the confirmation and information about what was to happen next. She also found out that she was to have a home help nurse who would be visiting her twice a week for as long as she needs to. (It is a sign of my mother’s acceptance of her condition finally that she didn’t protest this.) He (it turned out to be a male nurse – "murse"?) will be coming to check on her condition – temperature, blood pressure, general well being, and to make sure that her PICC line is clear and situated properly. (More House and ER knowledge coming into play - a PICC line is is one type of what they call a "central line". Thank goodness for medical dramas.)

The chemo went well, and mum was amazed by the colour and variety of the vials of chemicals that were going into her. The one she most noticed was bright red.

Mum also learned about the store in the cancer centre, where there are hats and wigs available, and free to those who can’t afford to pay.

I spoke to Mum in the afternoon, after her treatment. The change was remarkable. For probably the first time in seven months, she didn’t feel sick. Whether this was due to the first round of chemo, or to the expensive and effective anti-nauseants (my mum calls them her "$20 pills"), we don’t know, but we talked on the phone for over an hour. Or, more correctly, my mum chittered and gabbed and I made appropriate responsive noises. It was wonderful to hear her feeling better, even if it was drug-induced.

So the first treatment is done, and her next is the day after Boxing Day, which is while I’m down for Christmas, so I will be able to go with her, which makes me happy.

In the meantime, I am furiously knitting. I did one chemo cap yesterday, and I’ll likely finish another today. Pictures will come.

Bounty

A Service

On Friday, my friend Jen and I headed downtown for "a service". That's the way the somewhat husky, slightly accented voice on the confirming voicemail described our appointment. As if we had signed up for something best not discussed in polite company, and the woman on the phone was being deliberately and carefully discreet.

We were bound for the Aveda institute on King Street. For the experience, to help further the careers and educations of the students, and, most of all, for a cheap haircut. The monetary cost of "the service" is just $14. The real payment, however, is the time. We were there for almost three hours. But it was still better than being at work - any reason is a good reason to play hooky on a Friday afternoon.

We arrived about 15 minutes early, as requested by the husky-voiced woman on the phone. We walked in, and confirmed our appointment. We were impressed and reassured by the gleaming expanses of floor and the perfectly coiffed, beautiful people gliding in and out of the shining mirrored surfaces. We were asked to head up to the second floor.

Once there, we signed waivers confirming that we would not sue the company if a student chopped off an ear. The second floor was still very nice, if not as spacious. The hairstylists seemed younger and not quite as 'perfect' than those on the first floor. We were slightly alarmed by the man who seemed to be in charge, as he chose to sashay about the floor in a giant, fuzzy, Russian style hat, making us wonder not only at his unusual fashion choices, but also at the the possible reasons for a hairstylist to be hiding his own hair. After waiting for a little while on the second floor benches, we were led - to the third floor.

This floor was almost crowded with hairstyling stations. Still clean and well-kept, but not nearly as fancy as the lower levels. More alarmingly, the stylists seemed to be very young. While we waited on yet more benches, we warily watched the stylists moving around. Jen noticed one girl who seemed more nervous and uncomfortable than most, as if she weren't sure why she was there, and now that she was, didn't know quite what to do with herself. Jen remarked jokingly that she hoped that she wouldn't get this girl as her stylist, and we were both somewhat relieved when she appeared to be engaged in cleaning and tidying, rather than styling people's hair. I saw Jen's face drop somewhat when this girl came toward us a few minutes later. She introduced herself to me and invited me to her chair. I tried not to look at Jen.

She turned out to be much more able than suspected, however. We consulted with the teacher, a perfectly put-together blonde woman, and we all agreed on something 'a bit different', but 'fairly easy to take care of'.

When Jen and finally left much, much later, trying to straighten out the kinks in our backs caused by the torturous, metal styling chairs, we looked at one another and agreed that we both were leaving with pretty much the same styles we'd gone in with. Mind you, they were much straighter, thanks to the somewhat overzealous application of straight irons.

In any case, it was a nice way to spend a Friday afternoon, with a quick trip through the market for juice on the way back to the car.

Thanks to everyone who's written to wish me and my family well. It's really appreciated. I will continue to update here on my mum's progress. She begins chemo on Tuesday. Fortunately, there's a cancer centre in Windsor, meaning that she doesn't have to travel for treatment. The chemo will be pretty aggressive, with treatments every two weeks. She's having a tough time right now, unable to eat , unable to sleep for more than an hour or so at a time, but without the energy or strength to do anything other than lie on the couch. We're hoping that her first appointment will give her a chance to get some good advice, and maybe get her some medications that can make things a bit better.

The Diagnosis.

We finally have an answer for the question of why my mother has been so without energy for the past months. For why she has been unable to eat. For why she has lost over 70 pounds. For why she has night sweats and swollen lymph nodes.

It's not a good answer. But it is an answer.

Yesterday, my mother was finally and somewhat unsurprisingly diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma.

Yesterday was a bad day.

So far, I have been entirely unimpressed with the quality of her care in this hospital. The nurses have been fine - have been good, in fact. But the doctors have been horrid. Her current doctor, who was the one who got the last (and most important) biopsy done, didn't even visit my mother himself to deliver the news, instead sending one of his students. My mum was told she had cancer, and that someone would call the cancer centre, and that was it. No "next steps", no reassurances. Made me say some very bad words.

Yesterday, my mother was scared and sad, and feeling very unsupported by my father, who can be very uncommunicative and astoundingly unemotional. They ended up having a fight, and my mum ordered him out of the room. I called and yelled at my father, realising later that this was not helpful at all, and I only did it because I couldn't yell at the doctor. Or the cancer. So then I felt bad. And I did apologise at the time, but I'm sure it didn't sound all that sincere.

"You need to be there for Mum, and talk to her when she needs you to, and you need to listen to her and be supportive! I'm sorry I'm yelling! How are you doing?!" (still yelling.)

But things seem a lot brighter today. It is a good thing to finally have a diagnosis. To finally know what we can do, and there is a treatment. My mum visited the cancer centre today, and met the staff who will give her her primary care for her next six months of outpatient chemo. She said everyone seems very nice, and they were helpful and knowledgeable, and sympathetic, and straightforward. The doctor spoke to both my mother and my father at length, and my dad was much better about expressing support and being there for my mum, even going so far as to ask questions and seek out ways he can help. All of which is making my mum feel much better.

Ever since she checked into the hospital, I've been calling her two and three times a day. I don't want her to feel out of touch or forgotten, and it helps me to hear her voice and know how she's feeling and what she's thinking, so that I can try to find ways that I can help. Yesterday, I heard sadness and despair and fear, and while these are terrifying things to hear in your mother's voice, at the same time I was glad to know that she could share these things with me, and know that she's not alone, and she won't be alone.

My mum has been the strong one in the family for a very long time. Doing the things that are hard to do, saying the things that must be said. And now she needs a break. I only hope that I'm strong enough and have enough wisdom to be the strong one for a while.

I do know that I have a lot of friends who are there for me, thinking and praying for me and my family. I know that when I falter, I won't be alone. I know that now, and hope that I can keep remembering that when it's another horrid day.

In the meantime, I'm going to find a good pattern for a chemo cap, and hunt for the softest, warmest yarn in southwestern Ontario. And learn to cook a turkey dinner.