Questions You Never Wanted to Ask

I’m not the first to notice that when a group of people comes together to eat and chat, more often than not, the topic of conversation almost inevitably turns to bodily functions such as vomiting, peeing, or pooping. For some reason, I’ve found this to be especially true when the meal is a little more formal – any time when the subject of puke would be just plain inappropriate.

Yesterday at lunch, we had quite the toilet conversation. It all started with one person talking about a really fun bathroom store she’d visited the day before. This store has a line up of functioning toilets, and squishy little colourful samples that you can flush down to see how well they work, and then watch them travel through a clear pipe.

It was all downhill from there. I felt especially bad for the one guy in the room, since he was also the only one of us with significant bidet experience as well.

First, the bidet: What is it really for? (Yes, for cleaning) No, you don’t use it after number one, just number two. Yes, the temperature is usually adjustable, and so is the height of the water flow, like a drinking fountain.

So, what – you finish up, wipe, shuffle across the room with your pants still down, and then plonk down on the bidet? (pretty much) We debated the benefits and downfalls and decided that in general, we do not like the bidet, for several reasons, including the need for ass towels and the potential for side to side wetting when getting on or off. Plus, they’re just weird.

Next up was Boys and the Bathroom. Do you feel self-conscious at a urinal? (not really) Would you use a urinal in a co-ed bathroom? (sure) Do boys use toilet paper if they just pee? (no) Isn’t that kind of icky? (not really) Do boys who are maybe more - well-endowed - than most have to worry about dipping in the toilet when they’re sitting down? (Um. No.)

Lunch is fun.