How do you solve a problem like Sebastian?

My cat is electric. (Electric Cat - band name?)

My apartment is fiercely dry now that winter has officially claimed the country. I'm cutting my hands on the tamest of materials - I'm waiting for the day when I run the yarn through my fingers and have it come away with part of my skin.

Work is also very dry. You might think that great amounts of baking happening daily would help - all that steam and whatnot rising into the air (and maybe it does) but the fact remains that the whole building sucks the moisture out of every living thing therein. I sometimes think it would be easier to just dip my hands in vat of moisturizer after every time I wash them. (Or -ooh - a bath in moisturizer would be so nice!)

The dryness is bad enough, but what's been really aggravating is the static. Every time I walk down the hall to the bathroom or the kitchen, I apparently build up enough static electricity to power a small radio, because the 'zap' when I touch that doorknob is loud and always, always painful. I've developed a type of defense where I will try to remember to touch my ring (in a kind of WonderTwin Powers - Activate! way) to the doorknob before allowing my skin to make contact, but I don't always remember, and it still hurts most of the time anyway. I'm scared that I'm going to kill my laptop one day when I forget to discharge against the doorjam when I walk back into my office.

But I really feel for my kitty. He could power a fair sized stereo, complete with subwoofer. When I pet him, his fur continues to crackle for up to a minute after I've taken my hand away. If I pet him in the dark, I can see the sparks shooting off his guard hairs. But worst - when he goes to touch his nose to my hand, he gets a really big skin-to-skin shock that really has to hurt. It's like I'm giving him shock therapy to learn to stay away from me.

I may end up wiping him down regularly with a Bounce sheet if I can't come up with a better solution.

Ah, me. For my most pressing problem to be static? I'm not (really) complaining.